the new ish

I wanted a hot mess
I got one but it got too messy

What you got for me next?
As if it’s setup…

Content to be alone right now
Because I think I’m unlovable

That’s not true but I’m still learning the lessons…
“Are those Toms’ shoes?”

Indeed. Indeed.

Bebel Gilberto concert

Bebel Gilberto
Ogden Theatre
December 5, 2009

There’s something about Brazilian music that coaxes flair, drama, sensuality, and plentiful arms-over-head handclapping from its players – even for supposed “jazz” artists. To pigeonhole Bebel Gilberto as purely a bossa-nova torch bearer though would be a gross underestimation as her show Saturday night at the Ogden Theatre proved. She took the stage from her band and at least two iPhones from audience members. Holy spitfire!

It’s been 10 years since Gilberto dropped Tanto Tempo, a subtle electronic update to her famous father’s trademark whimsy. What separates Bebel’s style from ‘60s era Brazilian jazz (despite her signing with Verve on her latest (One Day) is the way she bounces between extremes – subtlety and brashness, quiet and loud, hyper and still.

All traits were on display as Gilberto launched into several cuts from her latest record. “All in One” had the crowd still, appreciating the beauty in her voice and the easy English/Portuguese interplay. A bit later she took off her boots (literally, taking pleasure in teasing the crowd with her wild leg gestures) as her four man band began laying a familiar groove. Several minutes later she launched into a Bob Marley staple that she doubled up on for the encore with “Sun Is Shining”. Not a particular favorite of mine but Gilberto was heavy on the peace and love tip and I suppose this song helped drive that point home.

Life in new music

hot mess

I need a mess to clean up. A mess of bangs and eyelashes to push away and then pull ‘em in.

A heart-stopping, hot one with Levi’s and teethy smiles and good & bad attitudes.

A spontaneous flirt with a mean streak.

Getting mad in all the right places, our faces hug and hug it out.

I want to chase and get frustrated, claim she’s overrated and later take it all back.

Give her interesting moves while playing mixtapes of soul tunes. “Do I Do” is our anthem. The undeniable jam.

Finding a love to bring out the me I’ve been hiding; the me I’ve been hiding would have never found you. And that’s the chemical reaction. The heart-in-throat, rosey cheeked melting moment.

This guy’s been waiting for your love. This sky’s been raining from above. This try’s been hand in glove.

These eyes have been wide and getting wiser. And wiser. And wiser still.

Until it’s revealed it’ll be still. And still. This mess to clean revealed in a waking dream.

Days like ouch.

I’m using these days to really figure stuff out. And I’m going through a lot of achingly low lows. At the same time I think I’m growing again in ways I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed. I became so dependent and robotic. I stopped trying. Not just with her. With life. I only embraced the routine and the embrace was more like a limp pat on the back. It’s been nearly 4 months since I said the word “break” to her not knowing I’d feel literally broken in these ensuing days and weeks. And months. I never felt closer to someone than I did her and I’m going through a lot of amazingly cliche moments where everything reminds me of her. And then, ultimately, my eyes will well up. I’ve been wearing sunglasses a lot more.

This day in history was day 1 of my 26th year in life.

Had my bike fit this morning at BCSM.

Worked at Pekoe where I drank a $2.40 black coffee (pricey?), followed a couple hours later by a chai (also pricey but tastey). Hey it’s my bday yo, I’m going all out with the coffee tab today, I thought. Great place and always nice people watching. The spotty internet finally forced me out, though.

Went for a run tonight at 5:30. Was just cruising along until about 1/2 way in where it seemed like I grew wings and was just flying home! Felt good. Felt Kenyan. Feel like I enjoy running and cycling equally, as painful as that is to admit.

Run time – 1 hour.

Call from Grandma. Birthday dinner at Siamese Plate followed by birthday banana splits and Rockies beating the Dodgers. Nice 26th birthday all in all.

Can I update my blog every day for an entire year? how about an entire month? baby steps. I’ll try.

Dear Specialized

I’d happily exchange this

Gary Fisher Paragon 29er

for this

2010 Specialized Stumpjumper FSR

and then most likely look like this for an entire year (minus the pretend riding in my mom’s kitchen)

Dear Specialized,

Start My Engine and PICK ME! I think I’m the right guy for the job, and besides, my tag cloud includes such topics as “Shiatsu”, “LOHAS”, and “Mullets” so I’ve got a little something for everyone to enjoy.

Your loyal customer and Decibel-helmet-wearing friend,

@craigrandall

This is the sunset in your eyes

Oh the turmoil of the past few months. I don’t know how you go from 3 years to nothing. I’m not sure I’ve stuck with anything else ever in my life for three years. Especially not someone. I feel hollow like the boyfriend piece of me has just vanished. I’ve never really known heartbreak. This is being shitty and having her see. This is not owning up. This might be losing your puzzle piece. This is trying your hardest to avoid it but feeling a magnetic pull to her doorstep. Our doorstep is long gone. I wasn’t happy because I was finding things to feel hollow about. I’m not happy now because this is truly hollow.

Tribute to Spring, a season later.

I made this short video one April morning after the season’s worst blizzard began to melt. Drops fell from the roof down to the patio and into strategically placed vase of sunflowers. Camera placed on the ground, the perspective is oddly still and if the video plays back like intended, some of the drops splash and explode on the ground in time to the background music.

Ice Cream & Whiskey

That’s been my life lately – a little sweet but a lot of bitter.

The haps of my life, lately: I got a car. CRAZY! First one of my own in 6 years and I gotta say it feels real weird but maybe not as much as the location where I park it: mom’s house. That’s where I’m living as of two weeks ago when Clare and I officially checked out of 1111 Maxwell Ave, Boulder, CO. Hello to not-quite-Bermuda, Remuda Lane, Lafayette, CO! I actually like being at my mom’s far more now that I’ve spent some time there.

When we’d go to visit before it felt like a cross country trudge to the middle of nowhere. With lots of open space and farms and cattle and foxes…and cottontail bunnies EVERYWHERE…East Lafayette is a really neat, pretty place. And quieter than Maxwell as you can imagine. But back to the car – it’s a 1974 BMW “2002″, the same ilk of which I test drove numerous times back in my high school days. This one is by far the nicest I’d ever driven (that’s not saying much but still…), the body and interior is in pretty great shape and it runs, like kinda good, enough so to be a full fledged “daily driver,” according to the mechanic from whom I bought it. I refer the car as “her” and “she” like any good old-car owner. For example, “she needs a few minutes to warm up before you take off in the morning” and “don’t slam her trunk too hard, she’s a little ‘long in the tooth’!” I’ve literally said these things in the past couple days to my family’s amusement.

I went to Rocky Mounts the other day and had the new Pitchfork trays installed – awesome deal thanks to Bobby and our team discount. It’s amazing writing about all of this – cars, bike racks, the idea of me owning a car…for the last 6 years I’ve been car less but it’s amazing how quickly you get right back into the habit. I’m not making any declaration that I’ll keep commuting by bike a certain amount/week but I know that my general lifestyle has been affected by those 6 years and of course you can’t easily erase it.

What else…I’m going to San Luis Obispo, CA this Thursday for a couple of races and to check out the town. I’ve been intrigued by this place for a while and will definitely be scrutinizing it as a potential place to relocate. I’ve pretty much had it with winter – I don’t really ski or snowboard anymore, I didn’t have a car (and my new one is OLD and not going to be very fun on slick roads and with a weak heater), my hands numb with even the slightest exposure to chill (my ciruclation suuuucks), I love to train on my bike which is far less fun in cold weather, and finally, I’m just straight up sick of it. All of this leads to thoughts of year long temperate weather where I can ride and maybe resurect my old dreams of being a surfer. We’ll see, I’ll take tons of photos in any case, and post to this blog. I’m really excited about this trip, I plan on watching fireworks from the beach on the quatro de Julio, or whatever.

Won a preme lap and 6th place in Scott Kornfield crit

Some new sunnies and a VERY serious face

We get cute during the Boulder Creek Fest

Some of the Muddy Buds

View from the bridge and a sunset in Austin

View down South Congress – “SoCo” – in Austin. Capital building is straight ahead.

The rain from my riding buddy’s place in Austin

Hiked the entire Mesa Trail one rainy Sunday, Mother’s Day, afternoon

Which one of these isn’t like the others? My 1974 BMW “2002″

New “Pitchfork” racks courtesy of Rocky Mounts – thanks Bobby.

I’ve been doing long rides every weekend since the first of June (the 80 mile Hugo road race). 3.5 hrs, 4 hrs, 3 hrs is how it’s gone since. Very enjoyable and learning how to better fuel myself on rides that long. Usually leave with two bottle of water on the bike and one bottle of Gatorade in the pocket, a couple gels or a bar, and then a stop for some gnarly junk food to make it back home (last week it was a smores flavored Pop Tart ).

We’ve had some good rides with the Flatiron Flyers lately at our Monday practices, love the kids like crazy and people are getting nicknamed (Jacque is now known as “Chuck,” pretty funny to transform a proper French name into something clearly less French and more southern, haha).

I’ve been pretty entertained with these two ladies’ blogs: YessPlease and Elbee by Burton and their “30 Days of Awesome” quest. I don’t know either of them but somehow I’m friends with one of them on FB so like any good interent vampire I clicked through and began to read her blog, then finding her friend’s. Obviously I don’t want to bite their concept completely but I am looking to challenge myself to experience some more consistently awesome days in this life. There is just so much more shit out there than work + bike ride + Facebook + internet-in-general + John Coltrane on my iPod + whatever other routines I maintain on the constant. I’m thinking July 1, 2009 will be the beginning of what I’m coining the first “man up & get right” month of my life. It’ll be hard, I’m sure.

This will hopefully entail my bucking the safety in routine habits I’ve developed, my balking at what scares me, my refraining from doing interesting things b/c I want to go on yet another, bike ride. It’ll involve sticking my thumb out and seeing what sticks, being more social, being a bit more like my brother and sister (without the homelessness and jam bands…ok, maybe the jam bands). My having the most “get right” summer month of my life. Amen.