Life in new music

hot mess

I need a mess to clean up. A mess of bangs and eyelashes to push away and then pull ‘em in.

A heart-stopping, hot one with Levi’s and teethy smiles and good & bad attitudes.

A spontaneous flirt with a mean streak.

Getting mad in all the right places, our faces hug and hug it out.

I want to chase and get frustrated, claim she’s overrated and later take it all back.

Give her interesting moves while playing mixtapes of soul tunes. “Do I Do” is our anthem. The undeniable jam.

Finding a love to bring out the me I’ve been hiding; the me I’ve been hiding would have never found you. And that’s the chemical reaction. The heart-in-throat, rosey cheeked melting moment.

This guy’s been waiting for your love. This sky’s been raining from above. This try’s been hand in glove.

These eyes have been wide and getting wiser. And wiser. And wiser still.

Until it’s revealed it’ll be still. And still. This mess to clean revealed in a waking dream.

Days like ouch.

I’m using these days to really figure stuff out. And I’m going through a lot of achingly low lows. At the same time I think I’m growing again in ways I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed. I became so dependent and robotic. I stopped trying. Not just with her. With life. I only embraced the routine and the embrace was more like a limp pat on the back. It’s been nearly 4 months since I said the word “break” to her not knowing I’d feel literally broken in these ensuing days and weeks. And months. I never felt closer to someone than I did her and I’m going through a lot of amazingly cliche moments where everything reminds me of her. And then, ultimately, my eyes will well up. I’ve been wearing sunglasses a lot more.

This day in history was day 1 of my 26th year in life.

Had my bike fit this morning at BCSM.

Worked at Pekoe where I drank a $2.40 black coffee (pricey?), followed a couple hours later by a chai (also pricey but tastey). Hey it’s my bday yo, I’m going all out with the coffee tab today, I thought. Great place and always nice people watching. The spotty internet finally forced me out, though.

Went for a run tonight at 5:30. Was just cruising along until about 1/2 way in where it seemed like I grew wings and was just flying home! Felt good. Felt Kenyan. Feel like I enjoy running and cycling equally, as painful as that is to admit.

Run time – 1 hour.

Call from Grandma. Birthday dinner at Siamese Plate followed by birthday banana splits and Rockies beating the Dodgers. Nice 26th birthday all in all.

Can I update my blog every day for an entire year? how about an entire month? baby steps. I’ll try.

Dear Specialized

I’d happily exchange this

Gary Fisher Paragon 29er

for this

2010 Specialized Stumpjumper FSR

and then most likely look like this for an entire year (minus the pretend riding in my mom’s kitchen)

Dear Specialized,

Start My Engine and PICK ME! I think I’m the right guy for the job, and besides, my tag cloud includes such topics as “Shiatsu”, “LOHAS”, and “Mullets” so I’ve got a little something for everyone to enjoy.

Your loyal customer and Decibel-helmet-wearing friend,

@craigrandall

This is the sunset in your eyes

Oh the turmoil of the past few months. I don’t know how you go from 3 years to nothing. I’m not sure I’ve stuck with anything else ever in my life for three years. Especially not someone. I feel hollow like the boyfriend piece of me has just vanished. I’ve never really known heartbreak. This is being shitty and having her see. This is not owning up. This might be losing your puzzle piece. This is trying your hardest to avoid it but feeling a magnetic pull to her doorstep. Our doorstep is long gone. I wasn’t happy because I was finding things to feel hollow about. I’m not happy now because this is truly hollow.

Tribute to Spring, a season later.

I made this short video one April morning after the season’s worst blizzard began to melt. Drops fell from the roof down to the patio and into strategically placed vase of sunflowers. Camera placed on the ground, the perspective is oddly still and if the video plays back like intended, some of the drops splash and explode on the ground in time to the background music.

Ice Cream & Whiskey

That’s been my life lately – a little sweet but a lot of bitter.

The haps of my life, lately: I got a car. CRAZY! First one of my own in 6 years and I gotta say it feels real weird but maybe not as much as the location where I park it: mom’s house. That’s where I’m living as of two weeks ago when Clare and I officially checked out of 1111 Maxwell Ave, Boulder, CO. Hello to not-quite-Bermuda, Remuda Lane, Lafayette, CO! I actually like being at my mom’s far more now that I’ve spent some time there.

When we’d go to visit before it felt like a cross country trudge to the middle of nowhere. With lots of open space and farms and cattle and foxes…and cottontail bunnies EVERYWHERE…East Lafayette is a really neat, pretty place. And quieter than Maxwell as you can imagine. But back to the car – it’s a 1974 BMW “2002″, the same ilk of which I test drove numerous times back in my high school days. This one is by far the nicest I’d ever driven (that’s not saying much but still…), the body and interior is in pretty great shape and it runs, like kinda good, enough so to be a full fledged “daily driver,” according to the mechanic from whom I bought it. I refer the car as “her” and “she” like any good old-car owner. For example, “she needs a few minutes to warm up before you take off in the morning” and “don’t slam her trunk too hard, she’s a little ‘long in the tooth’!” I’ve literally said these things in the past couple days to my family’s amusement.

I went to Rocky Mounts the other day and had the new Pitchfork trays installed – awesome deal thanks to Bobby and our team discount. It’s amazing writing about all of this – cars, bike racks, the idea of me owning a car…for the last 6 years I’ve been car less but it’s amazing how quickly you get right back into the habit. I’m not making any declaration that I’ll keep commuting by bike a certain amount/week but I know that my general lifestyle has been affected by those 6 years and of course you can’t easily erase it.

What else…I’m going to San Luis Obispo, CA this Thursday for a couple of races and to check out the town. I’ve been intrigued by this place for a while and will definitely be scrutinizing it as a potential place to relocate. I’ve pretty much had it with winter – I don’t really ski or snowboard anymore, I didn’t have a car (and my new one is OLD and not going to be very fun on slick roads and with a weak heater), my hands numb with even the slightest exposure to chill (my ciruclation suuuucks), I love to train on my bike which is far less fun in cold weather, and finally, I’m just straight up sick of it. All of this leads to thoughts of year long temperate weather where I can ride and maybe resurect my old dreams of being a surfer. We’ll see, I’ll take tons of photos in any case, and post to this blog. I’m really excited about this trip, I plan on watching fireworks from the beach on the quatro de Julio, or whatever.

Won a preme lap and 6th place in Scott Kornfield crit

Some new sunnies and a VERY serious face

We get cute during the Boulder Creek Fest

Some of the Muddy Buds

View from the bridge and a sunset in Austin

View down South Congress – “SoCo” – in Austin. Capital building is straight ahead.

The rain from my riding buddy’s place in Austin

Hiked the entire Mesa Trail one rainy Sunday, Mother’s Day, afternoon

Which one of these isn’t like the others? My 1974 BMW “2002″

New “Pitchfork” racks courtesy of Rocky Mounts – thanks Bobby.

I’ve been doing long rides every weekend since the first of June (the 80 mile Hugo road race). 3.5 hrs, 4 hrs, 3 hrs is how it’s gone since. Very enjoyable and learning how to better fuel myself on rides that long. Usually leave with two bottle of water on the bike and one bottle of Gatorade in the pocket, a couple gels or a bar, and then a stop for some gnarly junk food to make it back home (last week it was a smores flavored Pop Tart ).

We’ve had some good rides with the Flatiron Flyers lately at our Monday practices, love the kids like crazy and people are getting nicknamed (Jacque is now known as “Chuck,” pretty funny to transform a proper French name into something clearly less French and more southern, haha).

I’ve been pretty entertained with these two ladies’ blogs: YessPlease and Elbee by Burton and their “30 Days of Awesome” quest. I don’t know either of them but somehow I’m friends with one of them on FB so like any good interent vampire I clicked through and began to read her blog, then finding her friend’s. Obviously I don’t want to bite their concept completely but I am looking to challenge myself to experience some more consistently awesome days in this life. There is just so much more shit out there than work + bike ride + Facebook + internet-in-general + John Coltrane on my iPod + whatever other routines I maintain on the constant. I’m thinking July 1, 2009 will be the beginning of what I’m coining the first “man up & get right” month of my life. It’ll be hard, I’m sure.

This will hopefully entail my bucking the safety in routine habits I’ve developed, my balking at what scares me, my refraining from doing interesting things b/c I want to go on yet another, bike ride. It’ll involve sticking my thumb out and seeing what sticks, being more social, being a bit more like my brother and sister (without the homelessness and jam bands…ok, maybe the jam bands). My having the most “get right” summer month of my life. Amen.

Louisville criterium – first one of the season.

Chatting about the race and the lack of lap counting by our ref

First crit of ‘09 is in the books. Went smoothly all around considering I was a cyclops with only one contact. The one for my right eye made its way to back of my eyeball on my ride out to Louisville, resulting in me furiously trying to get it out and ripping it in the process. I had some time to spare before the race so I went over to Louisville Cyclery to find a mirror to remove said contact and buy some hand protection. I feel like I’m finally a real cyclist because I bought my first pair of “split-finger” gloves. I grew up thinking these things were like the wackest thing, ever. Before I was ever into cycling, I’d see riders wearing them and think all kinds of heinous thoughts about how ridiculous they looked. I like them now on cyclists but to this day when I see people trying to be retro/80’s and wear them as fashion, I completely cringe inside. Moving on…

I rolled up to this crit with some serious bravado. I don’t usually think I have a chance to win races but this year, due to some different training, I’m trying to adopt a new mental confidence. Having several weeks of Bus Stop group rides under my belt, and more than holding my own on them, I feel better equipped to race to win in cat. 3 events this year. Without doing any fast group rides or intervals last season I was still able to finish top-15 in most races. So with a few of these under my belt plus a lot more training in the last few weeks, I felt ready to put the hesistation and lack of confidence behind me.

The race itself was a lot easier for me than last year’s. I don’t know if I can fully attribute it to this newfound sense of confidence but a few aspects, namely the climb, were much less taxing. I bumped elbows with a few different guys during the race. Early on two guys squeezed me off my line but I didn’t back down and ended up having the guy to my right literally leaning on me sideways. He was freaking out as most riders do when there is ANY contact (I really hate this because people get so scared any time you brush against them or get too close and it goes without saying that as soon as you think crappy thoughts (re: crashing) it’s going to happen), but I just told him to relax and he kept it upright. I was mixing it up quite a bit with one of the 5280 riders as well. There were two of them, one ended up winning, but this other dude would stick out his elbows anytime I overlapped his wheel even slighlty to try and grab the wheel in front of us. The little guy was so nervous and so I started laughing at him. He just looked irritated.

We didn’t race until 4:40 so during the day I volunteered to course marshall and ended up talking with a guy who was spectating during the pro race. Turns out he was an ex racer and had a lot of advice to bounce off my questions. He just emphasized how much you really don’t want to work during races. This goes without saying but I always tend to defy logic when it comes race time, whether because I don’t want to miss a break or just to stay out of trouble on the front, I always end up working too much.

With this fresh on my mind, I decided to put it in to practice and ended up not really ever pulling the group as I usually do. I wasted some energy on a couple “prime laps” as I wanted to go for broke and try to win something. The other 5280 kid (the eventual winner) has some serious sprinting speed, and came around me twice to take the primes. I kept to my goal of never really sitting more than 5-10 riders from the front and coming into the last turn before the hill finish (on the last lap) I was second behind Robbie Stout from the Horizon team. He was barreling up the hill and I had thoughts of taking this pre-race confidence straight to the podium, just as planned. I managed to hang on his wheel till about 2/3 up the hill when all of a sudden, guys, including the 5280 kid, started jumping around me and sprinting past.

I finished a disappointing 7th and in hindsight I wished I hadn’t gotten so antsy on the final turn before the hill. I should have marked the 5280 kid closer and sat back where I’m assuming he was; maybe 4th or 5th wheel. I was too gassed from Robbie’s acceleration up the hill and then had nothing left to come around him or maintain an advantage over the other 5 guys who beat us. The positive I’m taking away from this is that at no point in the race was I really on the rivet, except for the finishing sprint. This proves that I conserved energy and had the confidence and strength to sit at the front of the race and create/follow the moves. I need to practice my sprinting becuase I’m definitely not at the level where I can just attack and ride away from people but mark my words, this year, I will win some races! I’m really believing in myself for the first time in a while.

For those of you who stumble on my blog and were in the race, you might be in some of these.

2009 Louisville crit, presented by Boulder Racing.

Chatting about the race and the lack of lap counting by our ref

So far in Austin…

Just so I remember and because I didn’t have a notebook with me, the places I’ve “per diem’d”:
Amy’s ice cream – had the dirtpie
Opal Devine’s – shrimp fajitas…ate the whole damn thing plus most of a margarita and a Vienna lager from the Austin Brewing Co.
Zen bowls – veggie bowl w/ brown rice for like $4.85. What?! Super good deal
Shell gas station – toothpaste for my grill
Austin Java – coffee of the day #2
Juan Pelota’s – coffee of the day #1 served by uber-hipster, fixie-ridin’, bro-ista
Mellow Johnny’s – trek bike rental

Austin’s been cool despite the crap weather (like EPIC EPIC EPIC downpour) and urban sprawl. It’s obvious I’ve been in Boulder/Durango/other small towns-Colorado for too long. I need open spaces, green, landscapes, less stuff, less people.